established

[1/1/2002 9:58:05 PM | Eizelle G]

hey this has been a long time coming. i havent written in this thing for a long time and as one of my new years resolutions, i will try to write in it as much as possible.
This year has had its ups and downs for me. the beginning was slow but near the end it picked up the pace. where to begin? in the begining of the year it was the same as is every year. i sit on my fat ass and watch tv all night long while feelings of envy pulse through me hoping one year i will be able to join dick clark one day in times square. one year i hope to be somewhere and be something and get to do things that i never dreamed of but alas im still at home dreaming of that day. its the same every year and it is starting to get boring. im always inside.
for 17 years ive stayed inside my house. it sucks so much i guess thats why i want to get out and do something.
then college and everything came up so fast. i thought i knew what i wanted to do but as the year progressed i dont know any more.im really confused and at times i just want to leave. i dont want to think about about it anymore but it will always be there. if i dont get in to any college i dont think i will go at all or i will leave for austraila and start over my short life over where nobody will know me. maybe ill be better off there. i dont know anymore what i want to do. one day i want to be an interior designer, the next day i want to be a film major, the next day i want to be a landscape architect. i thought i knew what i wanted to do but now im lost. im stuck and it is somewhere i dont want to be. i hurts me to tell my grandmother that i WILL be going to college but reality i dont really know. i just want to graduate take a long nap and wake up somewhere i want to be. i dont want to do it all myself. i dont want to let people down. im surrounded by people who succeed everyday sometimes i feel lost and detached because that is not something i want to do. im going crazy thinking about this so ill move on
i got asked to do a movie called pearl harbor.


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I feel that I've lost that little piece of me that was a dreamer. I got the degree, I got up and did something and for that I am very proud of myself. I wouldn't say that I am in a place where I feel comfortable but it is getting there. I miss California, but I love the surprises that Portland has to offer. I still have hopes and dreams. I haven't lost the 17 year old me completely.

okay so i was asked to do pearl harbor!!! the lady said it was going to be big but i didnt show up. what the fuck. 17 year old me is a fucking moron!!! i can't believe that I turned down pearl harbor. My life would have changed.




Happy inauguration day!