when i pulled up to the shell station on holgate and 28th. with tears in my eyes, i basically told the guy who pumped my gas my life story and why i was so sad. he genuinely told me, "good luck in california."
8/12 the day i leave my best friend and my godkitty in portland. it's hard to imagine a life with out anissa. she's my sister. like my mom says, "you can't keep the twins apart." twins that were born 5 months apart and met in university 100.
i can't say it's been easy. there will be parts of the day when i'll be reminded of something that we said or did. it will get easier right? i keep on telling myself that it will. i'm having a hard enough time writing this and it's been 4 days and counting and the disney channel isn't fun to watch alone.
what does the future hold for me? have i really made the right decision? will i be ready to live in the suburbs of orange county? questions, so many questions! i have a list of wants and needs as all uncertain times do. one of the needs is a job. i don't really know my status, it's been really unclear and i'm hoping that i can work again. for the same company or something else, i don't know. a part of me just wants to start something new but i do like the comfort of having a secure job with benefits.
add all these thoughts on top of a 19 hour drive across oregon and california alone with a car full of stuff that probably won't fit in my new house. it's become draining and this is where i am now. in oxnard, missing my boyfriend and my best friend and a cat.
eventually one day i will sleep in but till that day I will stick to waking up early. It been a rough couple of days. i've been restless, sleepless and very uneasy. uncomfortable in my skin. i had everything and i feel like i have nothing.
don't worry about me, this too shall pass.