i plan on sleeping in

when i pulled up to the shell station on holgate and 28th. with tears in my eyes, i basically told the guy who pumped my gas my life story and why i was so sad.  he genuinely told me, "good luck in california."


8/12 the day i leave my best friend and my godkitty in portland. it's hard to imagine a life with out anissa.  she's my sister. like my mom says, "you can't keep the twins apart." twins that were born 5 months apart and met in university 100. 

i can't say it's been easy. there will be parts of the day when i'll be reminded of something that we said or did.  it will get easier right? i keep on telling myself that it will.  i'm having a hard enough time writing this and it's been 4 days and counting and the disney channel isn't fun to watch alone. 

what does the future hold for me? have i really made the right decision?  will i be ready to live in the suburbs of orange county? questions, so many questions!  i have a list of wants and needs as all uncertain times do.  one of the needs is a job. i don't really know my status, it's been really unclear and i'm hoping that i can work again.  for the same company or something else, i don't know.  a part of me just wants to start something new but i do like the comfort of having a secure job with benefits.

add all these thoughts on top of a 19 hour drive across oregon and california alone with a car full of stuff that probably won't fit in my new house.  it's become draining and this is where i am now.  in oxnard, missing my boyfriend and my best friend and a cat.

eventually one day i will sleep in but till that day I will stick to waking up early.  It been a rough couple of days. i've been restless, sleepless and very uneasy.  uncomfortable in my skin. i had everything and i feel like i have nothing.

 don't worry about me, this too shall pass.

bummer city!